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Health Warning for Mobile Phone Users
Dangerous New Symptom
Red Alert!
Half of the planet’s people are at risk of a new epidemic called ‘Cell Phone Elbow’ This is not a joke! We are talking about 3 billion people at risk of suffering from Cubital Tunnel Syndrome, the latest form of overuse injury which may be even worse than Blackberry Thumb.
This is how it works: When you talk on your mobile phone you bend your arm. This compresses your ulnar nerve which leads to pain in your little finger and on the outside of your ring finger.
News of this potential pandemic shocked the world yesterday and it was elegantly reported on CBS news. Watch Dr Jennifer Ashton (a thinking patient’s pinup of a doctor if ever there was one) beautifully explain how this disease threatens half the world’s population.
Treatment of the problem might require physiotherapy, osteopathy, chiropractic, ultrasound, injections of local anaesthetic and even years of psychotherapy for post-traumatic stress syndrome. As prevention is better than cure, all cell phone users are advised to use hands-free devices. My good friend Arnold Brown advises you to ignore fellow pedestrians who think that you are ‘psychiatrically challenged’ and inanely talking to yourself. They are the ones who are going to suffer from pain in the pinkie – not you!
Rumour has it that the British government is well aware of the problem and that health secretary Alan Johnson is even considering banning mobile phones in one last altruistic swan song of the nanny state. My personal opinion is that he should not be distracted by offers of poisoned chalices and petty politics at home when global health issues need his urgent attention.
Next week: A dangerous new syndrome is being reported internationally. It’s called Repetitive Overuse of Brain and Over-Thinking Syndrome (ROBOTS) Overusing your brain these days may cause you to suffer from unbearable existential angst. If you don’t know what that means you might be suffering from early ROBOTS already!
Dr Brian Kaplan, London. http://drkaplan.co.uk
June 4th 2009
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"Like a good fellow, stop the things that are wrong first."
- F M Alexander
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